Tolerance of betrayal

… is very very low in my genes and it’s the other way round in case of Abbas. I conveniently shift the blame to the genes inherited from my dad. My dad could never bear anyone breaching his trust. I still remember an instance when dad had come to know that one of his employees (R) is cheating on him. The very next day when R reported to work in the morning, he paid his dues and coldly told him “Please don’t come to work from today onwards” There were no accusations made, no explanations sought but decision was made and even God couldn’t defer his judgement.

I too cannot tolerate betrayal. I am a kind of person who will give her all to any relationship. But one stab will change my perception of the relationship forever. Once there is a crack in the trust, I cannot behave the same with the other person. I just cannot act normal as well. My facial expression or body language will show my dislike how much ever I try to hide it. Abbas, on the other hand can let go of any past agitation with anyone and can start off from the scratch. He keeps telling me to adopt this quality to let go of the baggage as it is ultimately going to burden my shoulders. But I just haven’t been able to do it and keep lugging the heavy weight all along.

When Abbas tries to make me understand, I frown at my inability to inherit that quality. But when I come to analyze it further, I know it very well that this quality is what has held my dad in its clutches and is preventing him from accepting our marriage. If I place myself in his shoes, I assume that I might have also acted the same way. It would be such a difficult position to be in!!! Abbas is right. Life is too short to hold grudges. When I think of how would I react if Mantam ever betray my trust some day, I keep telling myself that I will never leave their side at any cost. Because, I have the experience of being at the receiving end. It sucks!!!

Today when I went to pick Mantam from their day care. Mannu happily said “Mamma, G will come to our house today, And she will stay for 100 days” I asked “But where is G?” She said “She is waiting for us. She will follow us peeche peeche our auto” I just laughed it off. When we came out, she kept looking for G but couldn’t spot her. We got into an auto and she climbed the seat and turned backwards. She was looking through the small slot on the hind side to see if G was actually coming behind us. I asked her to sit properly as it was risky and that she could fall down. She immediately began crying. I was stunned. She said “Why did G do this to me? I asked her so many times ki “Pakka you till come na? Pakka you will come na?” and each time she said Pakka. She is my friend na? How could she lie to me? Usko other koi nahi mila lie bolne ke liye? Am I not her friend?” I didn’t know how to react for I was trying to digest the fact that it was my not-yet-5 daughter speaking of betrayal! “You know Mamma, I even gave her ideas to follow the auto, I would be looking behind and that if some vehicle comes in between, she could get into the passages so that she can come peeche peeche our auto! I even told her that our apartment in peach in colour and gate is black” I told her “Perhaps her father didn’t want her to come to our home.” Bang comes the reply – “No Mamma. I asked in front of her father when he came to pick her up. He said okay and G said that she will be waiting outside till you would come. How could she do this to a friend?” I seriously didn’t know what to say. I took deep breaths to think and finally asked her to talk it out with G the next day. I told her “Tell G that you were really hurt. Tell her that if she was not going to come, she could have told you the same instead of lying. It’s always better to tell the truth which might not be pleasing than a lie which would eventually hurt” I dunno how much of it she understood, coz I tried to divert her attention by asking if she would like me to pick some samosas on the way, she said “No, I want G”

And I saw the same genes sprouting in her too. Tammu was least affected even though she too was expecting G to follow us.