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I hate lies

30 Jan

When I came back from work today, I had a casual chat with the nanny R. She told me that Mannu hadn’t finished her snack and even told R to not let Abbas or I know about it. R made her understand that there was no need to hide from us and she won’t lie.

Later in the evening, while catching up on the day’s events I casually asked about their snacks at school. Tammu said that she finished everything. Mannu also repeated the same lines. I asked “Are you sure? You finished everything?” She replied in positive but avoided looking at me into the eyes. I was extremely upset that she lied to me on my face. I was expecting her to come and confess to me but she didn’t. I quietly sent a message to Abbas informing him about this.

He came back and he too brought this topic of snacks while he inquired about their day. Mannu hid her face when he asked about the snacks. He took her to a corner and tried talking to her but she wasn’t the one to give in. After a lot of coaxing, she finally admitted rather adamantly. Abbas had a long talk with her and even sent her to me to apologize. She came and said “Sorry” and hugged me tight. I couldn’t hold myself together at that moment. I cried like a child… I’m still sad about the entire episode. I might be overreacting but I was very hurt.

Have you ever faced this with your child? How did you tackle the situation??

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18 Comments

Posted by on January 30, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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18 responses to “I hate lies

  1. anisnest

    January 31, 2014 at 1:39 am

    hugs Seema.. I hear you!! I have been there for that matter I guess all parents would go through this. I keep repeating to Adi that the consequences of saying lies is worse than accepting the truth.. I also practice that very strictly. slowly and steadily Adi understood it and I hope she doesn’t lie anymore atleast to me.. sometimes, I know that she lies and I will leave the place and don’t talk to her for a while by saying “I know one hundred percent that what you are saying is not truth and I am terribly upset with that”
    hope you will find a way soon.. hugs..

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    • Seema

      January 31, 2014 at 4:12 pm

      Good to know that Adi has understood that accepting the truth is far better than hiding it. Thank you sharing you experience Ani. It comforted me to know that I too can eventually get there.

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  2. More than words

    January 31, 2014 at 2:24 am

    I can understand your situation…. But what I always tell Daughter is no matter what she can tell me anything and if she ever chooses to lie then I will be very hurt….it has worked till now but not sure how long it will……

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    • Seema

      January 31, 2014 at 4:14 pm

      I too have always had this conversation with Mantam several times and even appreciated them when they confessed to me about any mistakes they wouldn’t done. But this time, in spite of Mannu sensing that I would have come to know, she did not confess. This hurt me very badly. I think we’ll have a heart to heart talk about it and sort it out.

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      • More than words

        January 31, 2014 at 9:01 pm

        Don’t stress so much …. I often think the kids want to please us so much that they end up making these little mistakes….after all they are just five….I am sorry this is not meant to be a gyan but that’s what I tell myself when I get too stressed about any of her actions …

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        • Seema

          June 5, 2014 at 2:41 am

          Thanks Paramita. That was my first time. I think I am learning to not stress much.

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  3. R's Mom

    January 31, 2014 at 9:27 am

    Its okay..she did confess right..and sometimes children hide things just like that…R hasnt really lied but she does have a super vivid imagination in terms of telling people we live in Chennai and her mother has 6 sisters and stuff..so dont get too worked up okay…keep talking to her all the time..tell her stories, tell her your childhood incidents and things will be fine

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    • Seema

      January 31, 2014 at 4:17 pm

      Oh my god! For all the stories that her Amma cooks up to tell her, R has got such a superb imagination re. Your comment totally cracked me up. You have six sisters, lol! Yes, yes, will talk to them and have warm conversations to get the chemistry back between us. Thanks RM ๐Ÿ™‚

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    • princessbutter

      January 31, 2014 at 9:56 pm

      This is weird. But I would tell people really long winded stories too. Sometimes half true. Hehe. I dare not even mention them here.
      Seema, i am not married, I dont have kids, and My mom doesnt trust me cuz I lie a lot. I have done incredibly naughty n not so nice things. So I have no business giving you any advice. But I hope the kids maintain their sweet innocence always!

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      • Seema

        June 5, 2014 at 2:43 am

        LOL on your comment. I am always at awe at people who can wind up stories. Tammu does that all the time ๐Ÿ™‚

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  4. Sumana

    January 31, 2014 at 9:39 am

    Hmm it really hurts when kids start lying. A similar situation happened at home, when my son was supposed to talk to his mam about a lost item, he did not. He told me he did and then after a long time he admitted about it. Silly though has happened a couple of times. Sorry word does not come easily to him either. Husband travelling and did not have his help, but i think we should keep advicing them and avoid using harsh words or scolding them. May be the fear makes them lie..My 2 cents…

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    • Seema

      January 31, 2014 at 4:18 pm

      Thanks for sharing you experience Sumana. Will try my best to be very balanced!

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  5. Maya

    January 31, 2014 at 10:21 am

    Okay.. solely my opinion, okay. I think most kids do this, Seema. And, I think it has got something to do with our reaction too. We might not reprimand/shout at them everytime they do something wrong, but we still show our disappointment. As kids, they don’t want to disappoint us. And so, they lie.

    What is the solution to this? I am not too sure. It is not that we can hide our emotions. But, we should make them understand that it is okay for them to make mistakes but they have someone at home to come and share that too. And that they don’t need to be scared of us parents.

    The first time my kids did something like this, I was damn disappointed too. But my mum drove some sense into me asking me to take it lightly. Just take it lightly. How much ever we try to be their friends, in the end, we are their parents and that fear is bound to creep in. So, its okay. Hugs, Seema!

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    • Seema

      January 31, 2014 at 4:47 pm

      I know what you are saying Maya. And it’s absolutely correct. ‘They donโ€™t want to disappoint us. And so, they lie.’ Actually we have had this conversation on umpteen occasions about how much we appreciate them confiding in us, how we would not mind them committing mistakes but would certainly mind if they tried to hide it from us. They have been patted on their backs so many times on having spoken the truth and been encouraged to do so.

      Why I reacted so much is because, most of the times it’s Tammu who would like to keep mum and prefer to not let us know a few things. And every single time, it’s Mannu who talks sense into her and convinces her that it’s not right and ensures that she confesses to us. Perhaps due to her display of beyond-age-maturity most of the time, we expect more from Mannu than from the oh-so-innocent-acting Tammu.

      Like you said – ‘How much ever we try to be their friends, in the end, we are their parents and that fear is bound to creep in.’ True, we can’t be the kind of friends that their peers could be. But the least Abbas and I hope to be is that confidante who is approachable to them any time they need that morale boost, without the fear of being judged.

      Thank you so much for your comment. I HAVE to take it lightly. Or at least not make my disappointment so evident that it exerts more pressure on them next time.

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  6. Tharani

    January 31, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    Hugs Seema.

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    • Seema

      January 31, 2014 at 4:47 pm

      Thanks Tharani ๐Ÿ™‚

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  7. manasaprasad

    October 15, 2014 at 6:34 am

    Seema dont be so hard on yourself n the kids. Sometimes even the best of kids try to test our limits. They dont do it to hurt us, they do it just to save their faces.

    But seeing u so emotional…. I’m sure she will not try such a thing again for a long time, or until she remembers.

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    • Seema

      October 17, 2014 at 9:32 am

      Yes, I hope so. Thankfully, Abbas is very balanced and handles things well when I lose my mind ๐Ÿ™‚

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