Abbas Antics

In Bulu:

We are still unfamiliar with the routes in Bangalore. Before we leave home, we make sure to check Google maps to know what route to follow to reach our destination. I try to memorize the landmarks we will encounter on the way.

Once we hit the roads, I sort of try to guide Abbas with the help of my memory! When it fails, we seek help from auto drivers. Abbas can not read signboards when he is driving. He can see that there is a board ahead and he mutters on spotting: “Aye Seemu Seemu, there is a board there. Read what’s written”. And I go “Oh ya… We need to take a left to pass through XYZ. I had seen XYZ on Google Map” As we reach the diversion, this guy forgets to take the left. When I sense that, I scream “Arey, this left, this left, this left”. Immediately he says, “Yeah right!” and takes a right turn!!!

If I ask him to take a right, he will never fail to take the left turn.

In the kitchen:

Abbas makes awesome tea. (Or so I tell him to get him brew it when I’m lazy!) This guy once put tea leaves in the milk vessel which was filled with milk instead of the tea vessel. Sigh L

He is still not used to waste segregation and keeps messing it up. I keep shouting instructions and each time, he manages to do the opposite of what I ask him to do… Whenever I find a plastic wrapper or a paper in my wet waste bin, I know who the culprit is…

Few other instances of forgetfulness:

• He calls one of relatives on Bakri-id to wish them. Later when speaking to Ma, he tells her about the call. Ma asks “Oh you called them? What did you speak?” Abbas “Ya Ma, I wished them Happy Birthday”!!!
• We were planning of a trip to Kolkata this year. Abbas: “Seemu, I have decided that we’ll hire a vehicle and go to visit Bandipur” Me:”Bandipur???” Abbas: “What Bandipur? Where is Bandipur in West Bengal?”
• Mannu doesn’t like to eat oranges. Abbas tries to make her eat it by explaining her about its health benefits. “You know Mannu, it was Calcium C!!”
• I made Pulao one day. Ma called and asked her son casually what he had for lunch. This guy says “I had Polio today”. Ma being his mom, didn’t notice what he said and continued to chat as usual…
• Abbas and I both end up bringing home a loaf of bread each on the same day. Inorder to finish both loaves before expiry date, we consume bread on 3 days for breakfast continuously. On the third day, Abbas calls me before leaving office in the evening to check if he needs to get something home. I list out a few things and then exclusively specify – “Please don’t bring bread”. No prices for guessing, he gets a big loaf of bread! Why?? Coz he thought I asked him to get one…
• Do you know of a person who doesn’t remember his own signature? Here’s Abbas for you. He is capable of scribbling a unique signature each time and has managed to get all most of his cheques bounced.
• I recently heard about this online grocery stores doing rounds in Bangalore. I wanted to check it out, so ordered veggies from there. They delivered efficiently and I was impressed with the quality of the items delivered. Abbas came for inspection and remarks: “Hey look at this papaya. Why have they given a cut slice of the fruit and see, it’s so hard” He was right about the attributes but then he was pointing to a slice of pumpkin.

If his memory is at his level in his thirties, I wonder what’s in store for me in the next decade of his life!!!