Roles & responsibilities

Before I learnt driving, Abbas was the one who had to carry the burden of all driving duties. Since Covid hit and we have been working from home, I became a more confident driver. Abbas also used to have meetings in the mornings and I started taking on more of the driving duties. In the last one year of so, he has had to commute to the office via public transport. So naturally, I have been doing most of the pickup, drop off duties. When Abbas is working from home, he pitches in when he can. One day he offered to drop the girls when I wanted to too. And he made a comment in jest saying – I’m the primary driver and you’re secondary. It hit a raw nerve and I instantly got mad at him. I thought he was undermining my driving capability. After I had calmed down, he explained what he meant by that. His thought process was that some chores naturally fall to one of us while the other person pitches in when needed. For example, I cook meals and he does the dishes. But he pitches in to cook or get takeaway when I am not able to cook and similarly I do the dishes when he is not able to. Similarly, I never used to like driving much and always preferred that he did it. So he considered him as the primary driver in that sense. Anyway, that argument happened on a weekday morning and everything was sorted after adult conversation.

In the evening, Mannu had to be taken to her art class. She came to me and asked if I was going to drop her. I was in a meeting then and noticed that Abbas was also in a meeting. I asked her to check with Abbas if his meeting was about to finish or not. This girl went to him and asked him:

Is the primary driver dropping me or the secondary driver?

I couldn’t stop laughing at the rubbing of salt over wounds that were already healed. Since then, it has now become an inside joke in the family.

Random conversations:

Mannu: When I learn to drive, what is my role going to be?

Me: What do you mean by that?

Mannu: Baba is the primary driver, you are the secondary driver, what am I going to be?

Me (chuckles): Oh that way! You’ll be the tertiary driver.

Mannu: I see.

Me: Hey, what about Tammu? Both of you would be eligible at the same time. What about her huh?

Mannu: Oh, she is going to stay as the passenger princess!

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After picking the girls from school:

Mannu: Mumma, can you take me to the library? I need some colour printouts for my assignment.

Me: Can you ask the primary driver to take you. I have to return home for a meeting.

I tell Abbas later that he needs to take them to the library.

Abbas: Ofcourse, I am the primary caregiver too. I will take them.

Seema: Hey hey hey! What are you implying huh? I am the secondary caregiver?

Abbas (dramatically): There is no secondary caregiver. I am the only parent who cares for them.